Month: April 2021

The myth of self-confidence – finding a better way

/ raghavendra / Leave a comment

Recently, I visited a bike repair workshop.

The bicycle mechanic who owned the store called me with a smile and asked me about the issue. The gears didn’t change without a hitch, and I said that to him.

 He took some time to do the repair work, took a road test and handed me the keys.

 During that period, I noticed how cool, relaxed and confident he was. The kind of self-assurance – where did that come from?

Now, I’m going to leave you with one simple logic using two situations. And then give you a bottom line based on that. Then you can tell me whether my logic is accurate or not. And finally, I’ll tell you what you can do to build trust. works?

 Let’s begin.

 Now, the first scenario is when the same mechanic visits a hospital and meets a doctor for a medical check-up.

 Is the mechanic going to show the same level of confidence that he showed in his garage? Or will he face a man more relaxed and confident than he is – the doctor – at the clinic?

The mechanic is not going to show his confidence when he’s in front of a doctor. If he does, he’ll sound silly and arrogant.

Let’s imagine the second scene – the same doctor visits the same mechanic’s shop to get his bike repaired.

Who do you think will be more confident in this situation?

Of course, the mechanic.

Perhaps he is more modest because the doctor who treated him is now his client. Nevertheless, his level of confidence is superior to that of the doctor.

The doctor can walk like a king in his clinic, but when he is in the mechanic’s shop, he needs to be quiet, listening and watching. Just like the mechanic at the clinic.

You understand the point I’m trying to make?

Both scenarios tell you a couple of things:

  1. You should not attempt to express your confidence when you are in an unknown location or a strange situation.
  2. If you want to build your confidence, you’ll need to build your forte.

 Self-confidence is not something you develop by posing to be confident. Or by using auto-suggestions. It develops by knowing who you are and where you fit into the world.

You’ll have to learn a skill and practice it so well that you’ll be the best in the world. (`Best in the world’ is a debatable topic. But you can be as good as possible for you.)

If you do that, self-confidence will follow you like your shadow. Because you’ve built your world around your skill.

But even in your world, you could go over the edge with your self-confidence. A mechanic with too much confidence can wreck a vehicle. And an overly confident doctor might kill a patient.

Is there some other way we can focus on strengthing self-confidence?

Well, there is one.

And that is CONSCIOUSNESS.

Consciousness is about being aware of oneself and its environment at the same time.

If you practice being aware all the time, you may be able to do well both in your world and in other people’s world.

As you develop that consciousness, you will naturally react to any situation. You won’t make mistakes. (Or a little bit.)

But how to expand awareness?

It’s through meditation.

If you’re not growing your skills, you’re growing your ego

/ raghavendra / Leave a comment

You have experienced this in many places, especially in offices.

Your manager or boss talks about big ideas and uses words that are full of hot air. And in every meeting, he (or she) speaks the same thing. Again and again.

Or sometimes, he suddenly gets angry, or is always reserved, or acts as if he is hiding something.

If you observe closely, behind this brimming ego, what you’ll see is a lack of knowledge or skills.

But, he fears admitting that he doesn’t know something.

To admit that you don’t know something is a big relief. It makes you humane and creates empathy among your co-workers, friends, and family.

But it’s not true that only certain people do this all the time. You and I have done this at least a few times in our lifetime.

I remember something I did when I was in high school.

One day, I was walking from the classroom towards our dormitory. One of my classmates was passing by, and she stopped me. She wanted to ask me the meaning of a Kannada term from the subject she was studying. I told her the meaning without a second thought.

During that time, my classmates thought I was very good at the Kannada language. And to some extent, I was good too. I used to read a lot and practiced creative writing most of the time.

That was exam time, and I still remember her reaction when I answered her question. (Oh God, he knows everything.)

But I was not sure. I went back and checked the dictionary. I was wrong. (No, I didn’t go back and admit it with her.)

But I felt ashamed at what I did.

I had to change how I dealt with such things. You can’t keep the reputation by doing such dumb things, you see.

And not exactly from that day, but over the years, I developed my mindset to admit when I didn’t know something.

But admitting that you don’t know something doesn’t solve the problem.

By accepting you don’t know something, you may appear truthful for the time being. But such repeated admissions create a bad impression about you in the long run. Also, you’re not helping either yourself or the person asking the question.

So, whenever such situations arise, I use a different approach. I answer the question by saying: “I think <THIS> is the answer. But, let’s Google it to make sure”.

This stops me from growing my ego, or even meekly accepting my lack of knowledge.

And when you’re working in a particular field, you cannot escape by saying you don’t know. You will have to try to understand it and be able to answer as quickly as possible. The best is to do it immediately.

If you neglect that, your colleagues or subordinates won’t respect you.

But an even more dangerous situation is when you maintain you know everything. With that, you begin to create an inner fear. And subconsciously you try to cover it up by keeping yourself reserved. It makes you angry often or you begin to talk bigger nonsense.

So, if you don’t work to learn your trade well, you tend to grow an unnecessary ego.

Again, learning is not about reading something and thinking you know everything.

For example, imagine that your team is implementing a new SaaS product. Reading the product instructions or watching a YouTube demo is not going to be enough.

You’ll have to have hands-on experience with the product. Because that’s how you’ll know the actual challenges your team is going to face. Otherwise, you’ll be clueless when your team talks about it in meetings.

If you do that extra work, you’ll be able to answer them well, and you’ll be a good leader.

Remember, if you don’t grow your skills continuously, you tend to grow your ego.

What do you think?